Birth, C-Section, Anxiety O’Plenty

Guys, let’s talk birth, pregnancy and ANXIETY! If you have read my previous Blog Post about anxiety + coping then imagine adding the miracle of birth to that scary smoothie.

I go in depth on what happens to our bodies when we experience “Fight or Flight” mode and how our cortisol [really everything] is affected. It’s like stress on crack and our bodies run on adrenaline 24/7. We basically run a 5K with NONE of the benefits!

The weird truth is that physically, I truly loved being pregnant. I soaked in those added hormones and felt glorious. I ate the best I have ever eaten in my life [the pressure of cooking a human in my body made me think twice about chowing down on that cheesy – cheeseburger o’plenty]. Ok, I had a few in those n i n e months but all I all, I was on point and damn proud of it. I gained a whopping 13 pounds during my whole pregnancy [no, I did not diet, I’m curvy and proud of it] and Emilia was born a healthy 7 lbs, 20 inches.

BUT, I did experience severe anxiety while pregnant: how do I know if this baby is healthy after several rounds of unsuccessfully IVF and IUI attempts? Will I be the 1 in 5 who devastatingly suffers a miscarriage? [I checked for blood every time I went to the bathroom.] I was always googling the “odds” of horrible possibilities and the fact is — that’s extremely unhealthy behavior. But, it felt natural to me and I wallowed in fear for most of my pregnancy. I conceived naturally after trying to get pregnant through IUI + IVF, so to say I was nervous, would be an extreme understatement.

I spent too much time worrying about the irrational [and yes, most of our fears are irrational but they seem so dang real] that I missed out on the fun research I could have been doing for Emmy. Researching strollers, clothes, bassinet’s, nursery decor [the BEST] and daydreaming about our little miracle.

But, I don’t beat myself up because that was the path I chose at the time and when I look at Emmy now, she’s happy, smiling and full of joy. She radiates love + positivity.

Emmy James, six months young!

Maybe it’s a fucked up blessing in disguise because it left me no time to worry about the actual birth. See, I already knew I was c-section patient because I have a previously fractured pelvis. And, truth be told — pushing a human from my vagina is BANANAS!

I worried till the minute they delivered Emmy and I remember not being able to sleep several nights before because of my racing thoughts going on repeat in my brain. So, the actual surgery part was cake walk for me.

The pain — INSANE! But, the recovery gets better each day and it’s crazy worth it. Again, pushing something out of my vagina, BANANAS! So, yes — it’s painful, it’s dirty, it’s messy and it’s a major surgery. The outcome is your beautiful bundle so it’s a win.

Ladies, weather you give both naturally, at home, vaginally or via c-section — YOU ARE WARRIORS!

I gave birth, recovered from major surgery and fed our baby with my breast milk — what’s your super power?

If you need to worry because it’s your natural instinct, take a few minutes each day and wallow in it. But, then pack that nasty friend away and enjoy your pregnancy because the time flies and it’s an incredible journey. If you can, exercise and keep that blood pumping. Seek out a therapist you feel safe talking to because it’s truly a wonderful gift to give yourself.

I still have anxiety, everyday. But, I’ve made a choice to control IT and not let it control me. I am the boss and I choose to enjoy everyday with my little peanut. YOU have a choice everyday to do the same, you are in control.

Go get ’em and remember ladies — we are truly something special!